Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize