He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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