some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
