1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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