When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I have post one night stand depression
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