Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
