Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize