I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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