Yo dont text me then not text me
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
