Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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