Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
