this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
