youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
