Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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