I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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