check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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