Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
