She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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