Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize