i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
