im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
