I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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