I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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