yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
