chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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