Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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