Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
