I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Randomize
