Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
