Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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