i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
need another drink. this is the easiest way
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
