my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Let's get the cat blown out
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
