We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
