i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
