We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
