My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
