just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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