Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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