you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
