i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
