You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
