Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize