Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
