capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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