So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
