she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Too much gin, very little bucket
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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