Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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