So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
