Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
