i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
