On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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