So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
