Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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