I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize