he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
