HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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