This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Randomize
