no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
