Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
