ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
