Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
