I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
