i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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