U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
