I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
