I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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