we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize