My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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