Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
