Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
