hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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