currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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