Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
