I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
