that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
