We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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