Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
