i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
