Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize