Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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