I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
