u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
