I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize