Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
