Cold hands, warm shart.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
