omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
