Come see our sink grown plant.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
