I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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