brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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