I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
