She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
