So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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